


He loves me, he loves me not

by metaphoricalpluto



Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: Angst, Bad Thoughts, Crying, Hurt, More angst, breakdown - Freeform, disbelieving thoughts, in part 2:, in part one:, previous breakdown mentions, thoughts about someone not loving them anymore
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-25 19:31:25
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14385591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/metaphoricalpluto/pseuds/metaphoricalpluto
Summary: Virgil isnt sure of Roman’s love anymore, so he turns to a daisy, to find out the traditional way.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so i got this idea and i went with this. I am sorry. This was my first time doing angst like this so i hope its okay and not too bad but hey it is what it is lol. There will be a part two, i jus thtought i d leave it at some angst for now and then upload part 2 later on (part 2 will be better i swear!!! this shall have a good ending ^-^). Till then, i am sorry X’D

Maybe it was his mind playing tricks on him again. Maybe it wasn’t anything. Maybe it was everything. Either way, he was worried.

Roman had been rather… distant. Virgil wasn’t sure if it was just his mind jumping to conclusions. Or if it was something he’d done wrong for Roman to act this way.

Their nightly meet ups in either one’s room had become few as of late. Roman had been initiating contact less than usual, and those times where it was there, the feeling was gone almost as soon as it had come. Whenever Virgil wanted to do something with Roman, like a movie night for example, the other always seemed too busy to do anything.

It was starting to affect Virgil slightly.

Was roman just always busy? Did Virgil do something Roman didn’t like? Did Roman start to want to be apart from Virgil?

Did Roman even love him anymore?

Thoughts swirled around in Virgil’s head as he lay facing the ceiling. Another day where Roman was ‘too busy’ to be with Virgil. Too busy to be there when Virgil needed him to be.

It was weird but Virgil almost felt cold without him. Scrap that, he felt alone without Roman there with him.

He could feel tears start to form at the edge of his eyes, blurring his vision. Something on his desk, however, caught his eye.

It was a bouquet of flowers that Roman had gotten him one time. Him being creativity, he’d made it so the flowers wouldn’t wilt. Virgil had put them into a glass jar atop his desk.

He’d been looking at them more than usual recently, them reminding him of Roman.

An idea came into his head as he stared at the assortment of flowers.

He walked over to the table and took hold of a daisy from the bunch in the jar. He knew it may be cliché but he thought he’d try. They were made by Roman after all…

Virgil walked back and sat on the edge of his bed, hand clasped around the white petaled flower. He’d heard before in stories how you could tell if someone loved you because of the petals of a flower. Who knows, it may even work with Roman.

Slowly, he took one of the daisy’s petals between his fingers and pulled it off, watching it drop to the floor, speaking quietly to himself.

“He loves me.”

He pulled another petal off, repeating the actions.

“He loves me not.”

Another petal was pulled.

“He loves me.”

Virgil continues to do this for each and every petal, his quiet words, the picking of petals and the slow ticking of the clock were the only sounds that could be heard in the room.

“He loves me.”

“He loves me not.”

“He loves me.”

One last petal.

“He loves me not.”

He watched the petal fall onto his floor, immediately blending in with the other pale petals that had fallen around his feet.

There was silence, other than the ticking of the clock, though Virgil couldn’t hear it. He couldn’t hear anything.

Surely it didn’t mean anything. Surely it wasn’t true. It was only a flower after all, it couldn’t be true.

However, the longer the silence stretched on, the more Virgil’s mind tried to convince him it were true, and the more Virgil began to believe it too.

Once again, he could feel his vision blurring. He fell backwards onto his bed, arm falling to cover his eyes. After a few moments came the first quiet sob. And after the first quiet sob came the next. And then the next.

After a short while, his tears were falling faster and his breathing was ragged. Sobs wracking through his body as he curled into himself on his side.

Of course it was true. All the facts and evidence he’d seen all added up to come to the same conclusion. What else could it all mean? It all made sense.

The realisation that Roman may not love him anymore only caused Virgil to cry even harder.

He wasn’t sure what hurt more, the realisation, or the fact that if it were true, then Roman hadn’t even said anything about it yet.

Maybe Roman didn’t even trust him anymore. Virgil wouldn’t blame him if that was the case, but that didn’t mean it didn’t still hurt.

Minutes ticked past of crying his heart out, at some point, he’d slipped off his bed and was now crying with his face into the edge of the bed, lying curled on the floor and gripping on to the covers of his bed as if they were a life line.

Soon enough, a wet patch had formed on the sheets from where his tears had soaked into the material. All of Virgil’s pent up emotions about recent events, his missing of Roman, his hope that maybe Roman would want to spend some time with him, his loneliness, his willingness to hold out hope that Roman still loved him and that him being busy wouldn’t last forever even if it seemed that way.

The tears seemed to just keep coming, showing no signs of stopping. He had no idea if he was being loud or not, crying into the side of his bed. The others either didn’t hear him or if they could, they probably thought that Virgil’s ‘knight in shining armour would come to save the day and vanquish any demons he held’.

They didn’t know yet though. As far as they knew they both were all love and game and happiness.

But…

A thought popped into Virgil’s already full mind.

But, what if the others already knew. What if Roman had already told them?

Tons of ‘what if’ questions and scenarios clouded his mind. Adding to the river of water flowing from Vigil.

Part of him laughed bitterly. Maybe this was what was meant when someone said you could ‘cry a river’.

Virgil stayed there for ages, crying to himself, all his pain just pouring out. He didn’t know how long it had been, minutes, hours, days? Maybe days were a stretch but it sure seemed that way even if it was merely a couple hours.

He cried and cried, until he managed to cry himself to sleep at his bedside. The daisy’s stem forgotten on the carpet next to him, white petals scattered out around him as he sank into the side of his bed and partially onto the floor too. Four word repeating in his head over and over again and he fell asleep.

He loves me not.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heeyyyy! So uhhh,,,, hi? I am so so so sorry this took me so long to write (it’s been like a month ;-;) i have meant to write it! i just haven’t had the inspiration, but uhh, here it is ahha. I appologise if its not as good as you might hope for, or like if it wasn’t what you were expecting but i can’t really do much about that ahha ^-^” anyways, ill shut up now, i hope you enjoy :)

Strolling into the living room, the prince looked around.

“Hello!” He announced grandly when he saw Patton and Logan both there.

“Salutations.” Logan greeted, not looking up from his book.

“Hello Roman!” Patton added cheerily.

Roman walked a little further into the room, still looking around.

“Have either of you seen Virgil anywhere by any chance?” He asked the two other sides.

Patton shook his head.

“I can’t say I have…” He thought for a second. “Now that I think about it, I haven’t really seen him all afternoon actually…. Have you seen him Logan?”

The addressed side shook his head. “No, I haven’t.” He turned back to Roman. “Have you checked to see if he is in his room yet?”

“Aha! Thank you my logical friend!”

And with that, Roman marched off towards the darker side’s room. He could tell which room belonged to the emo due to it not being his first time there and also because the door was the darkest in colour out of them all, being a strong black colour.

He strode up to the door.

“Virgil?” He knocked thrice on the door. “You in there?”

He was met with silence.

Again he knocked.

“Virgil?” He called. “Virgil my love, are you there?”

Again, silence.

“I’m going to come in okay?” Roman asked and then waited a second or two before he turned the handle and opened the door.

At seeing the side in his room – while at his bed – Roman relaxed a little.

“There you are, I haven’t seen you all day, neither had Logan or Patton.” He began to speak. “We were kinda worried... I’m so sorry I’ve been so busy as of late, and I know we haven’t had much time lately to do anything together, so I was just wondering if-” He stopped. “Hey are you okay?”

He only then noticed how Virgil was sleeping in an awkward looking position at the side of his bed, how there were petals around Virgil’s feet, how Virgil’s face, while asleep, looked to be tear stained.

Roman rushed to the other’s side.

“Hey, Virgil? Hey, are you okay?” He put a gentle hand on the other’s back, which seemed as to bring him out of his sleep.

\------

Someone was speaking to Virgil, but he wasn’t sure who as of yet. Maybe if he ignored them they’d leave him alone. He wasn’t in the mood to be dealing with people at that moment.

They were speaking to him now, a hand was on his back. It sounded an awful lot like Roman. Maybe it was just his mind playing tricks on him again, making it seem like Roman cared when Virgil knew the actual truth.

Slowly, he started to open his eyes, he was facing away from whom ever was in his room with him, and so he was not able to see who it was.

“Hey, you there?” The person asked him. It was almost scary how much the person sounded like Roman, unless…

He slowly turned and came face to face with, none other than Roman himself.

“There you are.”

He looked, worried. Why was he worried? What was there to worry about? Why was Roman even there in the first place? Virgil already knew the truth, so why was he here?

“Wh- Why-” Virgil stuttered, confused.

“Are you okay my love?” Roman asked, gently, slightly confused as to why Virgil was confused and also wanting to find out what was ailing his love so he could make it better.

“W- What are you doing here?”

\---

The question confused Roman. Why wouldn’t he be here?

“I was worried about you and came to see how you were. You haven’t been out of here practically all day…” Roman said clearly and carefully stroked circles into the other’s back. To his surprise, Virgil seemed to shrink away from it almost.

“I’m- I’m fine. You don’t need to worry about me.” Why was Roman still here?

“Why ever would I not worry about you, my thundercloud?”

Virgil’s thoughts clouded his mind again, wincing ever so slightly at the nickname. “Just go away.” He pushed at Roman. At his confused look, Virgil pushed again. “Go on. Just go. You probably have better things to be doing anyways…”

While Roman would admit he had been away quite a lot that past week or so, he didn’t think it deserved this kind of reaction. Why was Virgil being so hostile all of a sudden? Did Roman do something wrong?

“Listen I get it already. I understand. Just go…” Virgil turned away from Roman. “I already know the answer…” he muttered the last part to himself, solemnly looking down at the stalk and flower petals that lay around his feet.

“Understand what? What do you know the answer to? I can’t understand you if you talk in riddles.” Roman was very confused at this point. “Please, just talk to me, tell me what you’re thinking, what you’re feeling..?”

The darker side paused for a moment and then turned back to Roman, tearful eyes staring into Roman’s.

“Why don’t you- you tell me what you’re feeling…” He paused and looked away again. “Or… what you’re not feeling that is…”

This took Roman aback a bit.

“What do you mean? Speak clearly, I can’t understand all these riddles.” Roman huffed, getting slightly annoyed but not wanting it to show.

Virgil picked up the flower stem, increasing Roman’s confusion.

“It’s okay… you don’t need to hide it anymore… I already know.” A few tears slipped down the side of his face as he held the flower stem weakly between his fingers.

“Virgil...” He paused, looking confusedly at the flower stem Virgil was twiddling. “I have no clue what you’re talking about. Please explain, I deeply confused about what you’re talking about. Actually, I’m also quite confused about why there are flower petals around you, care to explain that too?”

Virgil looked up into Roman’s eyes, searching for something. He sighed, seemingly not finding what he was looking for in Roman’s expression.

“I know… i-I know that you don’t-” he took a breath, almost to steady himself and prepare for what he was going to say.

“I know you don’t love me anymore.”

Roman still in shock and confusion. How could he-? Why would he-? Huh?

“You don’t- you don’t have to pretend anymore…” Virgil could feel the tears start to well up again. He would not let himself cry in front of Roman, he would not let his guard down.

Looking at Roman, who was silent and was staring at him, Virgil just took that as more proof for it to be true.

There was silence for a few more moments, Virgil trying his best not to cry.

“So... now you know I know... please leave... I don't- yeah... just please...” Virgil quietly said.

This snapped Roman out of his trance.

“What are you- no of course that’s not- I still-" he tried to quickly correct Virgil.

“Please just leave!” Virgil said more forcefully than he had meant to. Tears now finding their way down the sides of his face.

“Virgil i-” Roman stuttered, trying to get the words out. He took a deep breath and calmed slightly. “Of course I love you Virgil. No matter what I still love you. What on earth would make you think I didn’t? I know I haven’t been around much lately but that doesn’t mean I don’t love you, you idiot.”

Virgil had, however tuned out the rest of what Roman was saying once he’s said the opposite of what he thought.

“You- you l- what-?” he stumbled over his words as he tried to understand what Roman had said.

“But I thought- the flower- you what?”

Roman only rubbed Virgil’s back as he tried to get him to calm down.

After a short while of him not being able to form proper sentences, he seemed to calm down enough to be able to speak properly again.

“The flower told you me you didn’t though…” he spoke slowly, and sounded thoroughly heartbroken.

“Sweetheart, what makes you say that?” the prince questioned softly as to try to not set off another mini breakdown.

Virgil wiped at his eyes with his sleeves which had fallen over his hands and sniffed again. Despite the situation Roman still found it adorable.

“This is going to sound stupid when I say it…” he ducked his head away from facing Roman.

“No it won’t. Trust me. Please tell me…”

Roman sounded so earnest as he asked, and sounded like he genuinely cared…

He sighed.

“You know- you know the thing kids do when they’re young with the flowers…?” Roman began to have an idea about what Virgil might say. The darker side took a breath. “Well… I did it to-” he paused to wipe some more tears away. “To see if you still cared…”

 _Oh._ Roman began to put some of the pieces together.

“Why would you think I wouldn’t still care for you Virgil?” he asked trying to keep his voice from quivering. Was he that bad of a boyfriend? No, now wasn’t the time for self-deprecation, Virgil needed his attention as of the moment, and his attention would be given thus.

“Well I mean… you haven’t really been around much lately… I have barely even seen you in the past week… every time I want to do something you always say you’re busy or some shit like that… it just made me wonder, you know?” he let out a watery laugh as he held back tears again for the umpteenth time that day.

“ _Oh Virgil_ …” Roman sighed and help a gentle hand to the others tear stained face and carefully guided it to look back at him once again. “Listen to me when I say this….”

Virgil tried to face away but Roman’s hands held his face firmly, but gently at the same time.

“I love you.” He said firmly. “And nothing will ever change that, trust me on this.”

Virgil stared into Roman’s eyes, looking- no, searching for even the slightest hint of a lie, but finding none. Maybe Roman was in fact telling the truth. Maybe it was Virgil who was wrong. God, why did he have to believe a stupid flower. It would have been so much easier to address the issue in person, face to face. Rather than hiding out in his room, merely hoping for a day when Roman would only just say yes to one of his ideas. Waiting for Roman to tell him the words he told himself in moments of self-doubt, that he didn’t love him. Wishing he could do more to build on the relationship, but having nothing to build from and nowhere to begin.

Roman could almost sense Virgil’s inner monologue, and knew he had to do something to stop him thinking that way, before things got too bad again. Well, they were already bad, he just didn’t want them to get worse per se.

“Virgil,” he continued. “Do you believe me now…?”

Virgil shut his eyes and leaned ever so slightly into Roman’s touch, hand still against his face. He moved his own hand up and put it atop Roman’s, holding the back of his hand while tears slipped down his face yet again. But Roman wasn’t mad, he just gently brushed the tears away with his thumb, being ever careful.

Why was Virgil such an idiot, to believe something as small as a flower. Of course Roman wouldn’t give his feelings up that quickly… he always told Virgil how much he loved him, it was just Virgil who took things in a different direction.

After a few moments of silence, Roman pulled Virgil in for a strong hug. Arms wrapping around him in a protective matter, tucking Virgil’s head underneath his chin and gently pressing kisses to his hair as the other held onto Roman’s sash tightly.

The hug lasted for a good few minutes. Roman whispering reassurances of his love for Virgil, and Virgil’s tears slowly coming to a stop as he managed to hug the prince back.

“Hey Ro…?” came the voice which was now hidden in Roman’s shoulder, sounding broken and raw due to the previous emotions.

“Yes my love?” he responded, stoking the back of Virgil’s head.

“…I love you...” he paused and then continued. “…I’m sorry for being such an idiot and believing such- such a stupid thing…”

“Oh Virge, there is nothing to worry about my dark knight. It wasn’t your fault…” Roman whispered back, holding Virgil a little tighter.

They sat in silence for a few more minutes, calming down from the emotional moment they’d just been through.

“If- if it’s okay for me to ask…” Virgil said, not looking up at Roman, but Roman looked down at him. “…what have you been busy with recently…?”

Roman tensed slightly. Was it ready yet? Should he show Virgil now? I mean, he needed to say where he’s been, but he didn’t want to ruin the surprise for Virgil…

Virgil had felt Roman tense and his mind jumped from bad conclusion to bad conclusion, each worse than the other. What could he have been doing? Nothing bad, right? Roman wouldn’t do that… right?

Roman sighed, he decided that he might as well show Virgil, it was pretty much finished anyways at this point.

“Well…” he started, but Virgil sighed.

“It’s okay if you don’t want to say… I was just wondering that’s all…”

“No no no! That’s not it! It’s not that I don’t want to say, it’s just…” Virgil looked up at Roman slowly, questioningly. “I can’t really explain it, I’d have to show you.” The darker of them looked slightly more confused at this. “So… if you wouldn’t mind… would you let me show you…?”

Virgil nodded and Roman slowly got to his feet, letting Virgil stand up next to him before offering his hand in the right princely manner. With a small smile, Virgil took the hand and let Roman guide him out of his darkened room, through the corridor and into the light of Roman’s room.

They went through to a door in one of the walls in his room.

“What’s that Princey…?” Virgil asked, sceptical of the door.

“Just trust me on this… please?” Roman asked and Virgil nodded, hesitantly.

Roman opened the door and stepped through, lightly dragging Virgil behind him as he made his way into the place through the door. It just looked like a forest to Virgil which was kinda disappointing, but then again, he didn’t really know what he was expecting.

“Where _are_ we going Ro?” Virgil asked as he was dragged into the forest, trusting Roman to lead him somewhere where it wasn’t going to be dangerous.

“Just follow me, we’re nearly there.” Was the reply he got.

 _That didn’t really answer my question but oh well,_ Virgil thought to himself.

After about 5 or so minutes of walking through the forest, they came to a halt in a clearing. There wasn’t really much in the area, on one side it had trees, the side he and Roman were standing on, and then on the other side it was just fields of grass, stretched out to what looked like forever and went as far as the eye could see, if not longer. It seemed rather plain in the day sunlight…? Since when had it become day? Virgil could have sworn it was the evening…

“What are we doing here?” Virgil voiced his thoughts after a moment and looked to Roman for answers. “Not that this isn’t nice… it’s just… why are we here?”

Roman smirked and then brought his right hand up and snapped his fingers.

All of a sudden the fields started to transform, flowers popping up all over the place, painting the previously green hills with dots of colour, until it seemed like there was no green left, and all that could be seen was a mosaic of whites, pinks, reds, blues and other colours of flowers.

It was honestly a breath-taking sight, and Virgil had no words to explain it, too shocked to be able to form words.

Roman broke the silence when he spoke up.

“This is… what I’ve been working on recently…” He admitted and turned to Virgil, who was staring out at the open expanse covered by flowers. “…it’s for you…”

This caught Virgil’s attention, head turning around to look at Roman, a surprised expression on his face.

“F-for m-me?” he asked. “But… why…?”

“Well…you haven’t really been the happiest recently, and I wanted to do something to show you how much I appreciate and love you. Unfortunately, it took up a lot of my time and that’s kinda why I was busy… I guess I didn’t really think about what you might think about me being constantly busy, and well… didn’t expect what happened to happen…” he laughed nervously.

“I hope you like it…” he said almost shyly.

“Like it... like it…? Roman I love it…” Virgil said after a breath and then pushed forward into Roman and almost tackle hugged him with the force of impact.

Slightly surprised, it took a moment for him to wrap his arms around Virgil in return.

“Thank you… so much… I love it so much….”

Roman laughed gently. “That only half of it dear.”

“Huh?” Virgil looked up at Roman.

“I can show you this another time, there’s something else I want to show you.” he smiled. “Come lie down over here.”

He led Virgil into the meadow of flowers and away from the trees and they found a spot and lay down in the flowers facing towards the blue, almost cloudless sky. Their fingers intertwined with each other as they laid down holding hands, Virgil relishing in the relaxing atmosphere the sent and feel the flowers gave off.

“Okay.” Roman said as he once again raised his hand towards the sky and snapped his fingers.

This time it was the sky that changed, clouds being whisked away and the light blue fading into the deep blacks and blues that the night brought. Hundreds and thousands of Pinpricks of light appeared against the dark background, making up galaxies and the brightest ones being those of the constellations which were scattered across the sky, in what looked like the right positions in the sky too.

“Woah…” once again, Virgil was lost for words.

How on earth had Roman managed to make all of this? It was mad, but also amazing.

“How did you… no… thank you”

“Hmm?” Roman raised an eyebrow.

“…Thank you… for everything…” Virgil clarified. “Thank you for all of this… for being there for me… for being you…. for loving me…”

“Oh Virgil, my love, that is something you never have to thank me for.” He smiled and then shuffled a little closer to Virgil, who tucked his head into the space between Roman’s head and neck while he laid and stared up at the sky.

Slowly, Virgil moved, and kissed Roman slowly on the lips, surprising the other, who after a second responded. Virgil moved away, and curled into Roman’s side, the other’s arm coming to warm around his side and hold him close as they continued to stargaze.

They both stayed like that for a good while, time not seeming to exist in the moment between them as they laid in the company of one another.

After what seemed like forever, but also no time at all, Roman spoke up.

“Hey Virge?”

“Yea Ro?” the mentioned side turned to face the other ever so slightly.

Roman turned and stared into Virgil’s eyes, who stared back, both of their looks filled with an unspoken promise.

“I love you, my starry night”

“I love you too, my entire universe.”

They huddled a little closer to each other, if that were possible and wordlessly stared up at the sky.

He would be forever thankful and immensely grateful for Roman, and the feelings they shared, and there were only three words that Virgil could think of after all that. Three words which meant the whole world to him.

_‘He loves me.’_


End file.
